That Beloved 'S'

Well I'll be. This is my third post for the month of December, which I'm thinking has to be some sort of record. I'm not sure if it counts though, since the world ended 10 days ago. Just in case, I'll try to finish before 2013 hits. I may get tired and say forget this 's'. Below you will find what I consider to be the Mona Lisa, the culmination of my hard work in bringing to you "general quips of nothingness". Since I'm on break, I can't bring you any new stories, so instead I'll just offer some thoughts and opinions. If you happen not to like them, let me know so that in the future, I can remind myself to have you kiss my arse...with your tongue out.

If you have been unable to deduce to this point (based on a title or anything), this blog will be loosely based on things I've made fit, rather conveniently, into my theme. It's the way of the world. Pastors do it. Heck, Christians in general, atheists, slave owners, saints, nuns, hoes, and politicians do it. Take a statement or scripture or work of literature or whatever and use it to their advantage or benefit or someone else's impending demise or whichever comes first. Well yeah, that's what this is. So that means that there will be no shortage of 's' words discussed at some point or another.

Speaking of (s)lave owners, I went and saw Django. Hilarity. I chose not to exclaim the "hilarity" because of its generally mildly offensive existence. There I go, showing that sensitivity of mine, because I was thoroughly entertained and not offended at all. Any how, Quentin Tarantino pretty much managed to do what he does best, entertain us all in an incredibly unconventional and inordinate manner. If forced to sum the movie up in one word, which we know wouldn't happen because you can't force me to do 's', I'd call it eclectic. I mean an ADHD patient's dream. Which is ironic because it was long as heck, obviously not boding well for someone who suffers from such issues. So long as you're not offended by Samuel L. Jackson's potty mouth, you should be good. Oh, and they say "nigga", or "nigger", or some variation a lot. I hope that's cool with all the white people. But y'all niggas bet' not try to get away with it. Jamie Foxx was as to be expected, and naturally Samuel L's rants were classic, but the character I was most amused by was Christoph Waltz. I feel like his sense of humor just matched that of my own in a near-perfect manner.

I'd put it up there with the better flicks I've seen this calendar year, right up there with "The Avengers" and "Batman III", which is obviously not the name of that movie. I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm a fan of the vigilante, and if it's not, you're probably far too dumb to ever experience mediocrity. I'm looking forward to some more sic-fi/vigilante movies this upcoming calendar year, including The Lone Ranger, G.I. Joe II (also not the name), Star Trek 2.0 (""), and, probably most of all, Superman. It'll be a good year as far as movies are concerned.

Sticking with my vast and limitless film and tv viewing skills, I started to watch "(S)candal"last night, on Netflix. It is exactly the type of trashy, devious, underhanded, egregious trash that keeps our society in a place of unscrupulous deeds. I know I said trash twice, I just wanted to make sure yall were following me. That being said, I am on episode 6 lol. It's just so climactic-over, and over, and over again. Like if you were to experience a multitude of climaxes in a short period of time. Get your minds out of the gutter, perverts. Although I'm not sure how you can keep it out if you are fan of the show. I'll likely finish the rest of the season tonight before working on catching up with season 2.

I need to finish it tonight though, because I'm gonna start devoting more time to less-senseless activities in 2013. Oops, I said that wrong. New year, new me. Because the changing of a date, if even by one minute, is gonna be my motivation to become a better me. I call this section...the (s)top it section. I fell off of my 2012 goals in March, so I've been waiting 8+ months to be able to become this better person. Now I can start the year going to the gym and crowding all of the stations that would otherwise be vacant, I can start going to church, I can start reading a self-help book, and I can start having compassion for others. I could NOT do this until the calendar turned to 2013. That's just the way it is. Nevermind that if I severely eff up in June, I can say, "Dang I won't make that mistake going forward." I need a date to confirm my ability to change. I've always believed that a year is just too large of a sample size to gauge general self improvement. Now, if we're talking financially, then fine, but that's a different story cause yall aint gettin money no way. *Back to the King's English, I go*

Now, the moment you've been waiting for-the true object of my affection.

Clock strikes 12

Friend 1: Happy New Year(s)!!

Me: Happy New Year(). See, there's actually no 's' at the end because it's only 1 year.

Friend 1: Whatever it's the same thing. You always doing that.

Me: That's because you always effin up, dummy. There's New Year's Eve, which requires an apostrophe, so to signify possession, and then there's the New Year(), only 1, no 's' required.

2 Minutes Later......

Repeat this entire interaction with Friend Number 2.

ANOTHER MINUTE LATER

REPEAT AGAIN, WITH DUMB ARSE NUMBER 3.

It's not their fault though. The new year just brings the illiteracy out of people.

Speaking of illiteracy, I would be remiss if I did not take a few moments to focus on the Halfway (S)chool. In 1 week, I'll be back with the little dummies, I mean darlings. Got mixed up. New year, new me...I'm going in with a different outlook on these kids. And by different, I mean the exact same outlook. I still feel mildly bad for them because I know that it's not really, fully their fault. I mean, if Cuervo lived with me, he'd be on the 'A' Honor Roll, and he wouldn't be unbearably misbehaved. His mama did that to him. If little Griffin lived with me, I mean, he would still be ugly, but I'd make sure he got that velcro pad on top of his head cut every week, and he wouldn't be as dumb as he currently is. If Baajing lived with me, she'd still be a bitch, but I think yall are kinda sorta catching my drift. And if these kids lived with Gobment, their names wouldn't fit on my roll anymore. They would have like 12 names a piece, just like her. The spreadsheet would have their names, but no data because the second cell just wouldn't fit.

Anyways, that's it for now. I'm ranted out. I need to go read some more of this book that Macy let me borrow. Maybe I'll explain that to yall next time, if you're unlucky. Then, it's off to finish season 1 of Scandal. Unfortunately, that now gives me yet another show to keep up with. Darn you, script writers. 

**Be kind to your friends and refrain from telling them "Happy New Years". It is sofa king annoying.

**Be kind to yourself, and stop waiting until January 1st to do anything positive with your life. I mean, you could just be like me and never try to change lol.

**If you're gonna drink, don't drive...If you're gonna drive, don't drink. I don't wanna lose any of yall......I only have a few readers.

We'll talk next year,
Be to-the loved

P.S.-I forgot one of the 'S' words. Cowboys (s)uck. Romo for President though. Now you may assassinate me.

Beloved Be Hated

You know, I never understood, much less got on board with, the way the rich always get richer. For me, it's the whole republican theory all over again. "Let me give my tax breaks to the people who are actually more capable of paying them." I mean, why can't it be a percentage, like tithes. If it's good enough for God, it should be good enough for us. So no matter what you make, you pay a certain percentage. If one person makes $1.00 every month, he pays 10 cents. If your check for the week is $1,200,800, you pay $120,080. Simple enough?

So it occurs to me, as I was once told by my aunt, that TD Jakes' loving members pooled together to get him some type of vehicle that costs as much as my parents' house, which is not small by any stretch. Am I hating? No, I just don't see what human in his/her right mind would forfeit earnings that he/she can ill-afford to forfeit so somebody can drive a Bentley. Heck, all the tithes you pay and "seeds" you sow, he can buy his own dang Bentley. Anyways, I'm saying all that to say, or ask this: Why are the people without the money always the ones forking it over for the people with the money? I'm offended by the prospect. 

Meanwhile, back on the home front, I'm being pursued by halfway school bounty hunters, bloodhounds, and heat seeking missiles to "donate" to the fund that will buy the highest paid person on campus an appropriate Christmas present. I don't know if my non-educator friends are aware of the disparity, but this particular position doubles that of my lowly salary. Am I saying that it shouldn't? Noooo. But I'm also not saying that my funds are so disposable that I should use them to buy things for people whose perception of the dollar takes on an entirely different point of view than that of my own. I mean, from a purely rational standpoint, we should be the ones getting the worthwhile presents from this individual that some may call Regina Greer, AKA Bosslady, BKA Piggy. Every time I make a dollar, she makin 2. That may sound negligible, but it definitely is not. Ima say it like this...I aint got no money, and the money I got goes towards my family. I mean, I am saving up, just to buy chitty Xmas presents.

I just completely bypassed the introductory phase of this blog, and for that, I apologize to my readers. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken wasn't created yet. What do you call a smart woman in America? A tourist. *cymbals crash*

Well, it may be a bit awkward to report, but I have essentially joined forces with the better part of our student body to defeat a common enemy. Yall know I like to liken things to vigilante-ish concepts. It's like Batman teaming up with Catwoman, who displays both good and bad, because they have a common enemy. Anyways, enemy is probably too strong of a word. But you know when a particular style of execution stifles the creativity, or at the very least apathy for process and disdain for paperwork, that you have? It turns into a big ball of IDGAF. Yes, IDGAF (pronounced "id-gaff"). Well, this is when you team up with the little diablos that you find yourself talking trash about on a regular basis.

At some point, you gotta remember that you were a kid. If you weren't, you are. If you aren't, you couldn't have made it to adulthood, thus, you do not exist. I won't get into specifics, other than the fact that I stay talking to Piggy about a plan of action, or some data, or a plan, or a meeting, or tutoring, or meeting about a meeting, or being taken out of my position so that somebody else can supplant me, rescuing me from my own ineptitude and salvaging any shred of dignity that remains. Not my dignity, which has clearly been compromised, but that of someone else's. On second thought, maybe enemy isn't so strong after all.

"A disgruntled employee, particularly in a field of individuals who affect the lives of others, should be the most dangerous adversary to anyone who pissed them off." That's a quote from this brilliant, strappingly handsome, charismatic guy, known as Beloved. So in addition to the multitude of meetings and get togethers, I've learned that I have very little effectiveness when it comes to preparing my kids for tests. I mean because I did so terribly with the kids last year...so terribly, in fact, that my kids outperformed a certain group of kids at an unnamed halfway school. BBT when you don't do stuff the way they think it should be done, even if it does create a contradiction with what is expected.

Let me explain it to you this way. Modern day education is all about who can make their kids have the most fun, using food and internet sources and toys, such as legos and blocks and chit, while teaching them concepts in such an abstract manner that they are incapable of sufficiently completing a pencil/paper test. Because for some reason, this is more effective instruction. Even though memorization and homework and studying individual assignments worked for a time. So, when I am observed and evaluated, I am expected to have kids engaged in group assignments and actively use things that will never show up on a test. What do I do? I conform. I adjust so that I can achieve the desired ratings as an "educator", or whatever I am, and now I'm basically being told that I need to be drilling my kids. I'm sorry, what? 

This is like one of those situations where you are driving with someone in your family, older than you, and they continue to say things like, "You see that car? How fast are you going? It's faster if you go this way." This is when you pull over, give them the keys, get in the passenger's seat, recline that seat, and go to sleep. Well, we can't fit a car in the halfway school, so I'll probably just sleep walk for a while.

I suppose maybe enemy is not the right word...not nearly strong enough. As much as little Cuervo and Baajing and Danika are getting on my nerves, they have earned the reprieve of a lifetime. We are all, at this point, fighting "the man". Kids are born and bred to be annoying and defiant (unfortunately), so I understand when it happens. But when adults begin to be the driving force behind unrest and pisstivity, something is wrong. The difference is, when they do it, it's classroom management. When I do it, and yes I said when, it will be insubordination. Why the hell isn't there a campus management that allows us disgruntled employees to run amok with no fear of real reprimand and/or ramifications?

I just wanted to gripe...I'll be back. I didn't even talk about Gobment tonight because being disgruntled blocks my ability to think of insults to hurl her direction. Dang.

Be to the Hated

Generally Beloved pt I

Why did the chicken cross the road? I have no idea, but I bet it had something to do with a woman. Isn't that the way it usually works? Maybe a woman sent him over there on a death mission to see if he really loved her. Maybe she sent him to the store, hopefully to get some food for her to cook or some cleaning supplies, or.....let me stop. Or maybe there was actually a woman over there that he wanted to *get to know*. Any way you slice it, these kids can probably tell us why the chicken crossed the road.

By the way, that totally had nothing to do with this blog, I just thought, "What better way to begin this episode than with a totally unconnected, downright digressive, epically inappropriate topic?"

It's been almost a month, and I haven't talked to y'all. I figured an update may be in order. I have these totally ridiculous stories, every day, that I could share, however folks got me working like a Hebrew slave. Or any slave for that matter. I'm working like a slave, period. [Lol I typed the word "period" and then I put a period. What if we wrote out the form of punctuation we wanted to use in our sentences(question mark) That ish would get extremely tiring(Exclamation Point) Not to mention(comma) that would probably get on somebody(apostrophe)s nerves.] Ok, I'm done..................

..................Had to go back and add brackets to that digression. Back to my life as the modern day version of Kunta Kinte. Not only are the kids being very usually obnoxious, but now I also have tons of things to do that have resulted from their ineptitude. I mentioned a month ago that I am a very mediocre, at best, educator. I would, however, consider myself to be slightly above average as a motivator. Yeah, apparently I'm wrong about that as well. The period between Thanksgiving Break, which is now only 3 days, and Christmas Break is the most Godforsaken period in my short teaching career. Literally Godforsaken...its pits of despair strongly resemble those which Beelzebub uses as captivity for the wicked. In fact, I don't think Hell could match its level of miserableness. It's been historically miserable for 3 years running, and it does not appear that this period desires to give up the stronghold it has on this dubious distinction. Let me explain this process in some sort of sequence, beginning with the kids' actions, leading to several reactions, and culminating in duty being thrust upon dear old Beloved.

First of all, these kids...are bitches. I think I'm actually being nice by putting it that way. Since the dawn of time, educators have used exams, assessments, tests, whatever you want to call them, to measure the comprehension and growth of their darling students. Well, at this halfway institution, we follow those principles and precedences that have been set by our predecessors, and we even manage to add a few. We won't get into that last part, at least not now. So, exams, we use them to see what our kids know and what they need to work on. Apparently, "everything" is not socially acceptable in the field of education. After much preparation and slaving over a hot computer screen, Beloved managed to come up with a 6-weeks Exam, which would measure each child's grasp of an entire 6 weeks worth of material. [slight digression to follow] These exams are to be called "general exams". Now first of all, let's please, for the sake of all that is good, define the word "general".                                                                                                        Had a minute to do so? Great. Well, it is my understanding that general brings some type of majority into consideration. Like, it's typical, widely recognized, almost universal, right? If I'm wrong, get off my page lol. By virtue of my understanding, I put together a comprehensive, thought provoking exam that took me in excess of 4 hours to complete. I even prepared the kids for the type of information they would be expected to know. 1 day before said general exam, not even a full day actually, I am told that I cannot use this exam because my new teammate, Mrs. Ariguerrero, will not be able to use the same exam. I forgot the most important rule of all...this test needs to be general enough for everyone to use it. By everyone, I mean all 2 of us. Because that's what general means, right? It doesn't mean the consensus, but rather it constitutes only 2 people doing the same thing :-/ Sufficed to say, I was a bit more disgruntled after getting this news. I had to go find a test that looked nothing like the one I promised those dumb arse kids, and you know how dumb arses do when things don't look right to their dumb arses.

As I'm sure you predicted, the kids absolutely BOMBED this "general exam", which by the way, was not common at all. Did I say common? I meant general. As much as I understood their performance, my issue with them was the effort they put forth. These tests were different, but I don't believe they were so hard that the kids could not have done well if they followed the strategies that they had been given previously. These mutha suckas didn't do not one thing they were supposed to do to prove their answers. Consequently, I added them to my "pissed list". It's an ever-growing list that, while getting longer, shall never surpass Gobment's list of names, which grows twice as fast. She got so many names, they had to print her birth certificate on poster board. She old as The Flood though so this was before poster board. It's really just a collection of pieced-together papyrus leaves, that stretch as long as the ark that Noah used as shelter from The Flood. Dang, that's long. Anyways, my pissed list grew so long that week that I didn't think there was any way for me to be more pissed. Wait.for.it..................

I'M TOO PISSED!!! Now that students apparently don't know what they're doing, I'm left to answer questions about why this is so. I'm also left to compile data in my spare time (wtf is that?). Spare time is a luxury that common, I mean general, folks get to enjoy. How is my data-compiling coming along? I'll let you know when I finish. It's not due until like last Wednesday lol. I need to find a high paying side hustle so that when I don't complete things, like I currently have not, I can justify my "IDGAF" philosophy and my "KMA" attitude. I mean, the philosophy and attitude are currently being exuded through body language and tone, but I don't think I can justify them without a backup plan. It would also probably feel better to be able to express them out loud, although I think that may be what they're calling insubordination these days...people are so picky. Anyways, I'm actually gonna do some of this work now, so that I don't have to do ALL of it tomorrow. I'll then be able to finish my story and tell you about a some kids, because I know that's the real reason yall read this thing anyways. Just wanted to vent a bit. 

Part II tomorrow (I think). Until then.....

Beloved